Generally speaking, discussing what happens in our bedrooms outside of the bedroom can be anxiety-provoking. Let’s try to make your doctor’s office an exception. Why is this important? People in the LGBTQ+ community contend not only with a full range of health needs, but also with environments that may lead to unique mental and physical health challenges. Whether or not you have come out in general, doing so with your doctor may prove critical in managing your health. Sexual experiences, with their impact on identity, varied emotional significance, and disease risk, are a keystone for helping your doctor understand how to personalize your healthcare.
Admittedly, talking about your intimate sexual experiences or your gender identity may feel uncomfortable. Many LGBTQ+ patients worry that their clinicians may not be knowledgeable about their needs, or that they’ll to have to educate them. Finding a LGBTQ+ adept doctor, preparing ahead of time for your next appointment, and courageously asking tough questions can give you and your health the best shot.
Finding a skilled clinician who is LGBTQ+ adept
Many large cities have healthcare institutions whose mission centers on care for LGBTQ+ peoples. However, these organizations may prove inaccessible to many for a variety of reasons. Regardless of your location, asking friends, family, or others to recommend a clinician may be a game changer. If your trans friend had a relatively painless experience visiting an area gynecologist, perhaps your Pap smear may go smoothly there as well. If your coworker has a psychiatrist who regularly asks him about his Grindr use, perhaps it may be easier to navigate your gay relationship questions with her.
Word of mouth is often an undervalued method of finding someone skilled and attentive to the needs of LGBTQ+ individuals. Online, many clinicians offer a short bio with their areas of expertise, and there are provider directories featuring trusted clinicians. Further, some doctors regularly write articles and give talks that may offer clues about desired knowledge. A simple Google search of your provider may yield a bounty.
Next, give your doctor or healthcare organization a call. Don’t be shy about requesting someone whose practice matches your specific needs. Your health information is protected, and generally, physicians hold your clinical privacy dear. Keep in mind that not all clinics will know or share whether or not your doctor is, for example, also a lesbian, but they may pair you with someone well suited to your request or point you in the right direction.
Preparing for your appointment
Let’s say you are nervous about coming out to your doctor. A little preparation may ease this burden. Here are some quick tips:
- Let them know you’re nervous at the start of the conversation.
- Be as bold as you can tolerate.
- Write down what you are excited about, nervous about, and/or curious about.
- Go in with a few goals and start with what’s most important.
- Maximize your comfort. If your partner is calming, bring them. If Beyoncé soothes what ails you, bring her along too.
- Lightly correct or update your clinician if they get something wrong.
Ask tough questions, give clear answers
As a psychiatrist who works with kids and adults, I often hear questions like, “I don’t know really how to say this, but I started experimenting with other guys. Does this mean I’m gay?” I may start by asking if you’ve enjoyed it. My colleagues in health care might begin with the same question.
Pleasurable experiences come in all sorts of constellations, and healthy exploration is part of being human. Additionally, clinicians need to assess and address your safety. Many LGBTQ+ people are at higher risk of intimate partner violence. We may ask about your use of condoms, how many partners you’ve had recently, your use of substances during sex, and how these experiences may shift how you see yourself. Give clear answers if possible, but don’t fret if you’re uncertain. Your doctor will not likely provide a label or pry unnecessarily. They may offer constructive information on the use of condoms, reasons to consider using PrEP (which can effectively prevent HIV), and places you can go for more guidance. Physicians enjoy giving personalized information so that you may make informed healthcare decisions.
There is no end to what is on people’s minds. Be bold. Will tucking reduce my sperm count? Maybe. Does binding my breasts come with risk? Likely. Was Shangela robbed of her RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars 3 crown? Utterly, but let’s get back to your cholesterol, shall we?
Remember that it is often impossible to squeeze everything into one appointment. Afterward, take time to catch your breath, reflect on what you’ve learned, and come up with more questions for next time. We’re here for that.
Bible verses for today’s meditation and inspiration: Matthew E. McLaren
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV
The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 NIV
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4 NIV
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12 NIV
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94:19 NIV
The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad. Psalm 118:24 NIV
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. Habakkuk 3:17-18 NIV
You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11 NIV
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9 NIV
I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10 NIV
Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete. John 16:24 NIV
Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Corinthians 9:7 NIV
A person finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word! Proverbs 15:23 NIV
That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10 NIV
deliverance You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of. Psalm 32:7 NIV
So that I Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15 NIV
may come to you with joy, by God’s will, and in your company be refreshed. Romans 15:32 NIV
Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. Psalm 119:111 NIV
But godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6 NIV
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